In November of 2018, I joined a Discord server (I may do a post on Discord as a platform in and of itself later, because I think it's so interesting that it has such a diverse user base). I learned about the server through Tumblr, because it has been my default blogging platform for a long time and that's where I feel most comfortable, both with the interface (the reblogging function and the ability to customize your blog in HTML are both great for filtering content you want to share) and the community. This particular Discord server was born out of a love for the band Queen, which in a vacuum would seem like old news but, within the context of the Bohemian Rhapsody movie being released, can be described as "re-relevant."
When I first joined the server, the usually flurry of activity and excitement that comes with joining a new group, whether that group is physical or virtual, was at the forefront of all our minds. We introduced ourselves and consumed each other's introductions, joked and shared memes, all in the context of Queen. As we got to know each other better, we voice-chatted and video-chatted several times -- once, we watched a movie together, which caused much hilarity because the lag from the video made it impossible to sing the songs from the soundtrack in sync. We shared stories that we'd created and personal experiences we'd had on a particular day. I ended up editing a short story written by one friend, and another friend shared many alternate-universe stories (I think she presently has at least 4 AUs).
In Chapter 1 of Nancy Baym's Personal Connections in the Digital Age, Baym references Kenneth Gergen's description of contemporary communication as "a 'floating world" in which we engage primarily with non-present partners despite the presence of flesh-and-blood people in our physical location" (in Baym p. 3). We do tend to have our phones out and be talking to people who aren't physically present and, according to the Pew Research study we read, sometimes we even ignore the fact we think it's rude and do it anyway. However, I think the "floating world" statement makes it seem like we don't have "real" connections to the friends we make online, and I'd like to argue that we can make those connections. In fact, I think video/audio interaction, in addition to the text/chatting interaction that commonly comes to mind when people think of online communication, makes the friendship as strong and viable as face-to-face/in-person friendships. I also think that the audio and video components make it easier to trust the person on the "other end;" we've been trained to be suspicious of anyone and everyone behind a username, and for good reason, but I think that with caution, new long-distance friendships are possible.
Because of the connections I made with my friends from the Discord server, I was able to be comfortable enough to meet two of my friends this summer. Interestingly, we were able, in a sense, to "pick up where we left off" instead of having the persistent awkwardness of making someone's acquaintance for the first time.
Has anyone else had an experience where they formed an online friendship through different media? Has the use of different media (audio, video, etc.) made your friendship stronger? Do you think we're just trying to replicate the face-to-face experience with these tools?
Here's a short video explaining the ins and outs of Discord:
I remember in high school, around my sophomore year, I was really into Tumblr. I had gained a pretty large following (which 15 year old me prided) and I had several friends I knew from all across the world. We bonded over music and the bands we were into at that time. My "in real life" friend was also into Tumblr, and we had made one mutual friend who lived in the suburbs of Chicago. The three of us would chat in a group chat and use Skype to talk over video, but we would also send one another mail; my friend in Chicago sending me a painting she had done and I sent her a mix CD with some of the music we all liked and others I thought she would enjoy.
ReplyDeleteI remember the first time the three of us all video chatted together. It was a bit awkward at first, having only talked over text or Tumblr's messaging platform before then. None of us really knew what to say, we were breaking down the wall we hadn't realized was up when we weren't looking at one another while we were having conversations. Eventually, after a few minutes, the awkwardness went away and we fell into comfortable conversations and laughter.
Two summers ago, almost four years after we became friends, I was able to fly to Illinois and meet my internet friend. It was a surreal experience. I had never traveled alone before, and even though I felt like I was just going to see a friend, my parents made me feel like it was a stranger I was going to see, which caused some anxiety. But once I found her at the airport, all the nerves and worry went away and I was simply spending time with a best friend.
I think, even if we have to have mediated conversations, it doesn't make connections and friendships any less than what they are with people who have a physical presence in our lives. As the world becomes more technologically advance, other aspects, such as relationships or friendships, are going to keep up with it. Just because one of my best friends lives halfway across the country and we only speak over text or other media, doesn't make it any less of a friendship than with what I have with my "in real life" friends. Great post this week!
I remember about twelve years ago when I got a Xbox 360, and Halo 3 for Christmas. It was the best time of my life! But when I got Xbox Live I swear it was a game changer for the whole Xbox experience and a gateway to the internet culture, both the good side and the toxic side.
ReplyDeleteI still remember to this day I met this kid at the time he was going by “HeartBreakidx”, he was playing with his younger brother on Halo 3 matchmaking. Him and I were the only one with microphones on our team so we ended up communicating about the objectives and enemy placements, which switched to just general conversing. Then just like that the match was over and I thought I wouldn't see him again.
The following day I get a game invite from him to play Halo 3 custom games which led us playing until 2am, then just like that we became friends. It was just so surreal meeting someone you never knew their face but bond over personality and just talking over in-game chats. It just still blows me back that i met Preston 12 years ago, and that we’re still friends and in touch to this day.
I think it is totally possible for someone to form a friendship online through Facebook, or Instagram or any other social media platform. Becoming friends with someone first through social media is seriously a social norm for this generation. I remember when I was growing up and when Facebook started to become popular, I used to message other people from nearby towns who I have never met before. Did I think it was weird at the time? No. Do I think its weird now? Yes, I was embarrassing and just wanted friends to talk to because I came from such a small town. I was one of those kids who friended everyone on Facebook in high school and it has been a struggle throughout the years trying to delete the randoms I had. I totally agree with you how forming friendships online can build up your confidence to make actual friends. I feel like we both had similar experiences because I definitely think I had more confidence when I started to talk to people online first. I've never heard of Discord but after watching your short video and after reading your blogged, I think I might want to check it out and try it.
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